Sunday, November 9, 2008
Holly McClure's suicide
Monday, November 10th 2008 is the one year anniversary of Holly McClure's suicide. It's been a very rough year since then but recently I think I've actually feeling better and can see daylight. Holly was the sweetest woman I've ever known. She cared for me more than any woman I've been with. (With the exception of my mother and sister) I loved her the best I could and it wasn't enough to save her from herself,... the demons in her mind that she fought bravely. I can't imagine what she felt or thought but I do know that it didn't stop her from being so loving. Perhaps it was her attempt at a last grasp, holding on to life. She would try her best to help me with my life and I did the same for her, even though there were times when she wouldn't allow me to help her change. We all resist that from time to time. I thought if I chip away slowly at those things that she needed help with, then it might make her life better. Now that she is gone forever, I'll never know if she could have over come those things. I don't want to make this date an anniversary to remember. Honor her surely but a suicide is not something to wear on one's sleeve for too long. I'd rather celebrate her life on the occasion of her birth then to wallow and be held down on the day of her death, by her own hand. I don't know how she would have wanted it but I know what I want from all of this. I will rise from this tragedy and move forward in my life. I am alive now and will make the best of my life without her. That does not mean that I will forget her, but I have to love and be loved in order to enjoy life. This I promise myself. If there is anything that Holly's suicide has taught me is to appreciate what I have. Continue to give to others. Love when I can. Have fun. Learn as I always have done. Create, play, laugh, celebrate, enjoy myself with no regrets from here on out. I invite anyone who reads this to do the same. Your life is just this one time. Don't squander it!
Love and peace to you. Appreciate the day always, good or bad.